• rowingpasta-copy

    Pro-Pasta Prankster Replaces Crew Team’s Oars With Long Strands Of Spaghetti

    CHARLES RIVER — Upon unloading their boats for the 2017 Head of the Charles Regatta early Sunday morning, the Boston College men’s crew team discovered that all of their oars had been replaced with large pieces of uncooked spaghetti. Unable to locate the pro-pasta prankster, the team was forced to compete in the race with […]

  • snapmap

    SnapMap Update Tells You If You’ve Got Time For A Yank

    PALO ALTO, CA — Popular photo-sharing app Snapchat rolled out an update today allowing its “SnapMap” feature to tell you if it’s safe to jerk off before your roommate gets home. Evan Spiegel, founder and CEO of Snapchat, says the new update “completely revolutionizes modern GPS-tracking software,” adding that it was the logical next step […]

  • 9602296383_7fe1fc4218_b1

    Overeager Freshman Uses Ambulance Transport As Valuable Pre-Med Networking Opportunity

    ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — Freshman pre-medical student Calvin Morris (MCAS ‘21), both working hard and partying harder, successfully expanded his professional network last weekend from the back of a Fallon Ambulance located outside of Keyes North. Morris, drifting in and out of consciousness, gained valuable insights from the skilled healthcare professionals who were called […]

  • SEANIE

    Old Dude In Rat Really Going In On Hot Dog

    WELCH DINING ROOM — Some fuckin’ old dude was seen absolutely demolishing a hot dog while sitting alone in the Rat Wednesday, eyewitnesses report. Several accounts alleged that the elderly fiend was actually on his second one of the day, too. “Holy shit, that dude was insane,” said Pat Rack (CSOM ‘20), who observed the entire […]

  • 640x347-jpeg

    Professor Struggling To Find Anything To Agree With In Student’s Response

    DEVLIN HALL — On Tuesday, students in the 10:30 AM section of Europe in the World looked on helplessly as Henry van Cumberbund (CSOM ‘20) provided what may have been the absolute worst possible answer to a question about the causes of World War II. After Professor Laura Bourke posed a series of questions to […]

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rowingpasta-copy

Pro-Pasta Prankster Replaces Crew Team’s Oars With Long Strands Of Spaghetti

CHARLES RIVER — Upon unloading their boats for the 2017 Head of the Charles Regatta early Sunday morning, the Boston College men’s crew team discovered that all of their oars had been replaced with large pieces of uncooked spaghetti. Unable to locate the pro-pasta prankster, the team was forced to compete in the race with […]

snapmap

SnapMap Update Tells You If You’ve Got Time For A Yank

PALO ALTO, CA — Popular photo-sharing app Snapchat rolled out an update today allowing its “SnapMap” feature to tell you if it’s safe to jerk off before your roommate gets home. Evan Spiegel, founder and CEO of Snapchat, says the new update “completely revolutionizes modern GPS-tracking software,” adding that it was the logical next step […]

9602296383_7fe1fc4218_b1

Overeager Freshman Uses Ambulance Transport As Valuable Pre-Med Networking Opportunity

ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — Freshman pre-medical student Calvin Morris (MCAS ‘21), both working hard and partying harder, successfully expanded his professional network last weekend from the back of a Fallon Ambulance located outside of Keyes North. Morris, drifting in and out of consciousness, gained valuable insights from the skilled healthcare professionals who were called […]

SEANIE

Old Dude In Rat Really Going In On Hot Dog

WELCH DINING ROOM — Some fuckin’ old dude was seen absolutely demolishing a hot dog while sitting alone in the Rat Wednesday, eyewitnesses report. Several accounts alleged that the elderly fiend was actually on his second one of the day, too. “Holy shit, that dude was insane,” said Pat Rack (CSOM ‘20), who observed the entire […]

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