• 9602296383_7fe1fc4218_b1

    Overeager Freshman Uses Ambulance Transport As Valuable Pre-Med Networking Opportunity

    ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — Freshman pre-medical student Calvin Morris (MCAS ‘21), both working hard and partying harder, successfully expanded his professional network last weekend from the back of a Fallon Ambulance located outside of Keyes North. Morris, drifting in and out of consciousness, gained valuable insights from the skilled healthcare professionals who were called […]

  • SEANIE

    Old Dude In Rat Really Going In On Hot Dog

    WELCH DINING ROOM — Some fuckin’ old dude was seen absolutely demolishing a hot dog while sitting alone in the Rat Wednesday, eyewitnesses report. Several accounts alleged that the elderly fiend was actually on his second one of the day, too. “Holy shit, that dude was insane,” said Pat Rack (CSOM ‘20), who observed the entire […]

  • 640x347-jpeg

    Professor Struggling To Find Anything To Agree With In Student’s Response

    DEVLIN HALL — On Tuesday, students in the 10:30 AM section of Europe in the World looked on helplessly as Henry van Cumberbund (CSOM ‘20) provided what may have been the absolute worst possible answer to a question about the causes of World War II. After Professor Laura Bourke posed a series of questions to […]

  • 22405377_10203883077073993_6229564083373750508_n

    Anonymous Scumbag Selflessly Brings Attention To Campus Race Issues

    At a university where students are largely silent with their bigoted values, one anonymous student made the bold decision to deface a Black Lives Matter sign Friday, thereby destroying any lingering semblance of racial progress at Boston College. Absolutely inspiring! Even though this vandalism was clearly fueled by a desperate need for attention, this defender […]

  • field

    Study Finds Every Intramural Soccer Player Actually Same White Guy Cloned

    ALUMNI STADIUM — A recent study conducted by NASA has found that every intramural soccer player at Boston College is actually a clone of one student, who scientists have identified as sophomore John Roberts (MCAS ‘20) from Connecticut. Upon learning this information, 86% of the BC student body responded, “Oh yeah, I feel like he’s […]

Featured

9602296383_7fe1fc4218_b1

Overeager Freshman Uses Ambulance Transport As Valuable Pre-Med Networking Opportunity

ST. ELIZABETH’S MEDICAL CENTER — Freshman pre-medical student Calvin Morris (MCAS ‘21), both working hard and partying harder, successfully expanded his professional network last weekend from the back of a Fallon Ambulance located outside of Keyes North. Morris, drifting in and out of consciousness, gained valuable insights from the skilled healthcare professionals who were called […]

SEANIE

Old Dude In Rat Really Going In On Hot Dog

WELCH DINING ROOM — Some fuckin’ old dude was seen absolutely demolishing a hot dog while sitting alone in the Rat Wednesday, eyewitnesses report. Several accounts alleged that the elderly fiend was actually on his second one of the day, too. “Holy shit, that dude was insane,” said Pat Rack (CSOM ‘20), who observed the entire […]

640x347-jpeg

Professor Struggling To Find Anything To Agree With In Student’s Response

DEVLIN HALL — On Tuesday, students in the 10:30 AM section of Europe in the World looked on helplessly as Henry van Cumberbund (CSOM ‘20) provided what may have been the absolute worst possible answer to a question about the causes of World War II. After Professor Laura Bourke posed a series of questions to […]

22405377_10203883077073993_6229564083373750508_n

Anonymous Scumbag Selflessly Brings Attention To Campus Race Issues

At a university where students are largely silent with their bigoted values, one anonymous student made the bold decision to deface a Black Lives Matter sign Friday, thereby destroying any lingering semblance of racial progress at Boston College. Absolutely inspiring! Even though this vandalism was clearly fueled by a desperate need for attention, this defender […]

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