Screen Shot 2015-03-20 at 12.44.15 pm

BC 2019 Slowly Learning to Love BC Instead of Notre Dame, Georgetown

Late last night, Boston College sent out its thousands of admission decision emails to the prospective class of 2019. The exact data hasn’t been released yet, but early numbers are showing it was Boston College’s lowest acceptance rate of all time. While not every high school senior accepted to BC will attend college in Chestnut Hill, the future Eagles who received their acceptance letters and chose to come to BC couldn’t be more excited to get into Boston College after being rejected from Georgetown and Notre Dame.

“What’s Boston College ranked on US News, like 31st?” said current Loyola High School, Los Angeles, senior and future CSOM ’19 Blake Arnold behind a mask of tears and a smile. “31st is great, and CSOM is amazing. 4th! I mean, my first choice was Notre Dame, which is 16th and has the 1st-ranked business school. But South Bend is a shithole anyway, right? Who wants to drive three hours to Chicago just to go back into modern civilization? Chestnut Hill is just outside Boston, and there’s so much history in there! I’ll definitely go to the aquarium like every week! Although, Boston’s definitely too small to host the Olympics, what are they thinking?” concluded Arnold.

Arnold is not alone. Highly involved high school seniors from across the country with SAT scores above 2100, excellent recommendations, and all AP and Honors classes are all slowly learning to love and accept Boston College as their future home, even those “those bastards” at other Catholic schools didn’t let them in.

“I really wanted Georgetown, I really did,” said Greenwich Academy senior and future LSOE ’19 Katie Murphy while subtly smiling at her Boston College acceptance email. “I did Georgetown’s whole pain-in-the-ass separate application, took three SAT IIs to qualify, and even went to summer school there. All that just to be rejected? But you know what, who am I to complain? At least Boston College beat USC in football. Does Georgetown even have a football team? They do? Oh, they’re in the Patriot League and they’re stadium holds 2,500 people? They don’t even have the chance to lose to Jamies Winston and the rest of the criminals at FSU? That’s cute. Plus, House of Cards isn’t even that good. Take that, Washington D.C!”

At press time, the Boston College class of 2019 was trying to be polite as possible to their friends who only got into Villanova and Fordham, while cursing that bitch Jenny who got into Notre Dame and Carl who got into Harvard and Yale.

(Fun fact about Notre Dame: Steve Bartman, who caught the infamous Chicago Cubs foul ball during a playoff game, is a graduate.)

(Fun fact about Georgetown: Their mascot is a real dog, so let’s not act like they haven’t gone through a couple already.)

LEAVE A COMMENT

chefs@thenewenglandclassic.com

Legal: The NEC is a dope work of satire.