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Boston College Suspends Chemistry Professor for Grade Deflation

General chemistry professor Dan Huskyman has been suspended for the first four classes of the Fall 2015 semester for intentionally deflating the grades of his students so that they got discouraged and dropped out of the pre-med track.

“Everyone wants to be a doctor nowadays! Have you seen how many kids fill up my lectures? A couple hundred! I’m sorry, but not all of these wide-eyed freshmen are going to make it all four years and get into med school,” said Huskyman. “It’s an unwritten part of my job to thin out the numbers of pre-med students and make the weaker ones transfer to general biology or another major entirely. So sure, I deflated grades, but I was just doing what I’m supposed to do if I want to keep my job and maintain the respect of my peers in the department.”

Freshmen have taken to Twitter and Yik Yak to call out Huskyman for his intentional deflation of their grades. These students claim to have “studied their assess off” and done decently well on most tests, but still received mostly D’s and C’s.

“My GPA can’t take that kind of hit!” said freshmen biology major Anna Dearing. “Deflating grades? This wasn’t even my fault! What an asshole. Some people just don’t get it.”

“Huskyman deflated my metaphorical balls of confidence in my own academic abilities,” said an anonymous freshman on Yik Yak.

At press time, Huskyman was looking time to taking a little time off of class to hang out with his beautiful supermodel of a wife.

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