“I’m Fine,” Reports Becky’s Instagram

LOYOLA HALL — Stating that everything seemed normal, local Boston College freshmen confirmed that Becky’s Instagram makes it seem like she’s doing okay during her first year of college. This confirmation comes after last month’s feigned concern from third-floor residents of Loyola that something might have affected Becky’s psychological well-being. Becky has been seen spending long hours talking on the phone outside on the CXLF benches wearing a sullen expression throughout the duration of the phone call.

Local friends of Becky, Katie Yung (MCAS ‘21) and Kimmy Froyd (CSOM ‘21) weighed in on the situation. According to Froyd, “Becky’s been wandering around the floor saying some pretty depressing stuff lately, like about how she has a hard time being happy anymore. But, you know, that picture of her golden retriever was really cute. I’m sure she’s fine.”

Following up on her friend’s comments, Yung said, “The last couple of pictures Becky posted seemed pretty upbeat — I think one of them was a nice sunset over the Res. How could someone post pictures with her friends all the time AND be deeply wounded under the surface? That doesn’t add up to me.”

Currently, inhabitants appear divided on whether or not to actually ask how Becky is doing, rather than purely assume her mental state based on social media posts. Loyola 3 RA, Sarah Spitzer (CSOM ‘19), remarked, “Yeah, I saw [Becky] throwing up in the bathrooms last weekend, but I didn’t want to ruin her fun. In fact, I think her Insta caption was ‘living it up with my soul sistassss.’ I’m proud of her for getting out there and having some fun.”

In the wake of these developments, officials have released a statement clarifying that social media presence is indeed the best metric for determining a friend’s mental health status. According to a newsletter sent out yesterday, University Counseling Services will be implementing programs to make sure that everyone within the BC community looks really happy and healthy on Snapchat, Facebook, and Instagram. When asked for further details, UCS stated that any further information would require a two week waiting period, followed by an additional screening which will take four weeks to process the results.

At press time, Becky assured reporters that she was alright, just really tired from a long week.


Legal: The NEC is a dope work of satire.