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Tour Guide Claims Gasson Tallest Building On East Coast

MIDDLE CAMPUS — Stretching the truth for the fifteenth time during the short tour of campus, Student Admission Program tour guide Maxine Alturn (MCAS ’18) claimed that Gasson Hall, with its 200 foot bell tower, was the tallest building on the East Coast. Stating the boldface lie with calm and confidence, the tour guide was able to elicit several hushed “ooh’s” and even a reported “ahh.” Much to Alturn’s surprise, no one in her tour group questioned her outrageous claim, demonstrating that apparently none of them were aware that New York’s One World Trade Center, at 1776 feet, held the actual tallest building on the East Coast. In fact, according to Alturn, the ease with which she was able to peddle her absurd falsehood led her to believe that no one in the tour group had ever seen a building taller than the average suburban home, let alone a skyscraper. “I’m pretty sure one kid said he was from New York City, so I have to think this kids either really dumb, gullible or has just never looked out a window at home.”

While most of the group accepted Alturn’s claim with no trouble, some were nevertheless skeptical. Among these was prospective student Kelly Long, who claimed that Alturn’s claim “just didn’t seem right.” “I mean, maybe it is true, but it just didn’t seem right, ya know? I guess it must be true come to think of it, she certainly seemed confident when she said it, and no one called hiher m out on it,” said the prospective student. 

At press time, Alturn was showing her tour the view from the fifth floor of O’Neill, which includes the 749 foot Prudential Tower.

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