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4 Students Die Of Dysentery On Journey For Empty Classroom To Study In

STOKES SOUTH — Tragedy struck a group of 4 Boston College sophomores this afternoon, who all died of dysentery on the long and arduous journey in search of an empty classroom for their group to study in. The group set out on their quest with nothing but their books and a horse-drawn carriage shortly after they failed to find a group of 4 seats in both Bapst and O’Neill libraries. Determined to find a place to study together, they reportedly thought they might get lucky in Stokes North or South and began their voyage for a room at around 2:16 PM. Doctors hypothesize that they must have contracted dysentery-causing Shigella and Campylobacter bacteria from attempting to ford an unsanitary puddle in their carriage on Stokes Lawn and died shortly thereafter, since their rotting bodies were found by the Stokes janitorial staff in the South stairwell at 4:06 PM. At press time, the students’ families were planning to erect 4 group study lounges in memory of their deceased children.

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