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    Distraught Freshman Girl Runs Away Down South In Search Of Sorority Big

    FORT WORTH, TX — Boston College freshman Sophia Brambleberry has reportedly left the Heights and moved to the southern United States in search of her very own sorority big sister. She has been camping out on the campus of Texas Christian University since Sunday, sleeping on the lawns of various fraternity houses and following crowds […]

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    Boston College Administrators Apparently Under Impression That Wheelchairs Have Jetpacks

    ACADEMIC QUAD — In an exclusive interview this afternoon about Boston College’s accessibility for people in wheelchairs, a duo of Boston College administrators seemed to not see the problem with the university’s possibly illegal deficit of wheelchair ramps and other typically standardized campus accessibility accommodations. The administrators’ lack of concern for the problems and headaches caused […]

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    “You Look Great Today,” Reports Robsham Window

    LOWER CAMPUS — Sitting there a little more reflective than usual today, the Robsham Window reportedly wanted to let you know how great you look today. “Damn! You look good as hell today. Is that a new shirt?” the Robsham Window told the press in a conference earlier this afternoon, adding that it would love to ask […]

  • Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game

    Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game

    ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football team before the fall season, there […]

  • We Got High and Shouldn’t Have Written This Article

    Well it looks like this is where we’ve ended up, you guys. “What happened?” we bet you’re all wondering. “How did they get here?” Well, maybe we got a little bit too high and shouldn’t have written this article. As you may know, today is April 20th, the counterculture holiday for celebrating and consuming cannabis. […]

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Holy Shit, A Dog!

O’NEILL PLAZA — “Oooh, ooh, what a pretty baby,” said each and every one of Boston College’s 9,192 undergraduate students upon spotting an eight month old Golden Retriever puppy outside of O’Neill library on Thursday afternoon. Deep in the chocolate brown eyes of the good little boy, students were allegedly elevated to a fluffy, golden […]

Junior Receiving College Credit for 4 Month Vacation

SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE— Boston College study abroad student Elena Olson (MCAS ‘18) will reportedly receive a full semester of credit for taking a four month vacation, filled with excursions to historic landmarks, museums and picturesque scenery, along with lots of yummy food and long nights of partying. “I’m not sure how I was allowed, and […]

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“Everything’s Good, You?” Reports Hometown Friend

YOUR HOMETOWN — In a 10-minute text message exchange held Tuesday afternoon, it was confirmed that “everything” with your hometown friend Ryan was “good, you?” While he confirmed that “classes sucked,” your pal from high school was keen to note that his workload this semester “wasn’t too bad” and that he “can’t complain.” When asked […]

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Purveyor Of High Culture Spends Afternoon At MFA

MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS, BOSTON — Speaking to a mob of reporters while walking down the museum’s front steps, sophomore Paula Monay (MCAS ‘19) confirmed the rumours that she had indeed spent her Sunday afternoon looking at some of the finest art Boston has to offer. “The Frida Khalo exhibition was especially riveting,” said Monay, […]

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