• printdiploma

    2,300 Diplomas Sent To BCBlackWhitePrintQueue

    O’NEILL LIBRARY — Mass hysteria erupted throughout the Heights on Monday morning, as University President Father William P. Leahy, S.J. announced that all diplomas for the Class of 2017 will be distributed digitally, and may only be accessed via the graduates’ individual print queues. This unconventional delivery method breaks from the 140-year-old tradition of handing […]

  • a-nerd-conference

    Campus Nerds Announce Plan To Hand In Finals Early

    BAPST LIBRARY — In a rallying cry to all nerds on campus, a group of bespectacled, tweed-wearing students took to the lawn of Bapst early Monday to announce a plan to turn in their final exams before even three-quarters of the exam time had passed. The proposal was heralded by the dweebs of Boston College […]

  • 18339413_10211236110170449_1613082614_o

    4 Students Die Of Dysentery On Journey For Empty Classroom To Study In

    STOKES SOUTH — Tragedy struck a group of 4 Boston College sophomores this afternoon, who all died of dysentery on the long and arduous journey in search of an empty classroom for their group to study in. The group set out on their quest with nothing but their books and a horse-drawn carriage shortly after […]

  • img_3999

    Sophomore Guy’s Masculinity Hanging On By Thread Of Embroidered Club Sports Patagonia

    THE RAT — After an exhausting semester that consisted of seemingly letdown after letdown, Dan Wellington’s (MCAS ’19) masculinity was reportedly entirely dependent on his embroidered Boston College Men’s Crew Patagonia Snap-T.  “I still don’t have a summer internship, I realized I don’t want to be friends with my roommates anymore, and I’m struggling finding […]

  • screen-shot-2017-05-02-at-1-02-03-pm

    Professor With Doctorate Can’t Rotate PDF Documents

    BOSTONCOLLEGE.INSTRUCTURE.COM — Uploading documents to her class’ Canvas page, Professor Sheela McGuire, could not figure out how to rotate the PDF documents of readings she assigned her Gender & Sexuality class to do. As a result, the frustrated professor reportedly uploaded the documents sideways. “Uhh… my students should be able to figure this out,” said […]

Featured

hamstaaah

Wealthiest Students Purchase Tropical Bulbs For Winter Warmth

CHESTNUT HILL, MA — As students’ winter coats have been trending toward becoming more technically advanced and expensive, the company Caribbean Parrot has benefitted immensely by experiencing a surprisingly exponential increase in sales of their Tropical Bulb outerwear line. “We didn’t expect this at all,” said Caribbean Parrot CEO John E. Tsunami. “We created these luxurious […]

maxresdefault

Local Elderly Man Mistakes Mod Party For Sauna

MOD 47B — Multiple reports have confirmed that an unnamed local elderly man, solely clothed in a towel tied around his waist, was seen entering Mod 47B at 11:52PM last Saturday night. Eyewitnesses on the scene confirmed that the old man seemed cool, calm, and collected when entering the hot, sweaty mod, which his mistook […]

pupper1

Holy Shit, A Dog!

O’NEILL PLAZA — “Oooh, ooh, what a pretty baby,” said each and every one of Boston College’s 9,192 undergraduate students upon spotting an eight month old Golden Retriever puppy outside of O’Neill library on Thursday afternoon. Deep in the chocolate brown eyes of the good little boy, students were allegedly elevated to a fluffy, golden […]

Junior Receiving College Credit for 4 Month Vacation

SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE— Boston College study abroad student Elena Olson (MCAS ‘18) will reportedly receive a full semester of credit for taking a four month vacation, filled with excursions to historic landmarks, museums and picturesque scenery, along with lots of yummy food and long nights of partying. “I’m not sure how I was allowed, and […]

chefs@thenewenglandclassic.com

Legal: The NEC is a dope work of satire.