• robzombie

    Plex Bro Takes Good Look Around Before Set to Make Sure People Are Watching

    FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — Standing in front of the cable machine while mentally preparing himself for another set of a tricep exercise, frequent Plex-goer Rob Schlossman (CSOM ‘19) checked his surroundings to ensure that someone would be watching him work out. Unable to find anyone at first, the sophomore eventually established brief eye contact with […]

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    WTF, ResLife? Why Is My Dad Moving Out Of The House?

    Four words about ResLife? Worst. University Office. Ever. Allow me to explain: The FAT CATS in the Boston College Office of Residential Life think they’re all HIGH AND MIGHTY—especially this week—because they control housing decisions at Boston College. They mock students on Twitter with GIFs, reveling in their ephemeral relevancy and using humor to create […]

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    This Homeless Man Doesn’t Get To Live In Walsh, Either

    Every March at Boston College, countless groups of eight freshman are devastated after not receiving a pick time early enough for one of Lower Campus’ coveted suites. Instead, they are forced to break up into smaller groups and cross their fingers for a nine-man—or even just a double in 66. They make jokes around dining […]

  • meatball

    ResLife Clerical Error Gives One Lucky Freshman Housing In Meatball Obsession Stand

    LOWER CAMPUS — As many Boston College freshmen continue their frantic social scramble to secure housing for next year, one lucky student will be living somewhere a little more unique than the typical sophomore housing options, thanks to a clerical error by an entry-level ResLife employee. Vito Anthony Bertucci, Jr. (MCAS ’20) will spend his […]

  • reschoice

    “ResChoice” Students Demand More Say In Housing Process

    OFFICE OF RESIDENTIAL LIFE — A new protest movement on campus has started to gain noticeable traction this week, as hundreds of students are coming together to express their frustration with the notoriously tedious Boston College room selection process. These student activists, who describe themselves as “ResChoice,” are finally speaking up after years of oppression […]

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reschoice

“ResChoice” Students Demand More Say In Housing Process

OFFICE OF RESIDENTIAL LIFE — A new protest movement on campus has started to gain noticeable traction this week, as hundreds of students are coming together to express their frustration with the notoriously tedious Boston College room selection process. These student activists, who describe themselves as “ResChoice,” are finally speaking up after years of oppression […]

pexels-photo-341858

Student At Party Reportedly Coming Out Of Cage, Doing Just Fine

VANDERSLICE HALL — Standing in the middle of an eight-person suite filled to maximum capacity, Rebecca Johnson (LSOE ’19) reportedly proclaimed that she is “doing just fine” after “coming out of her cage.” Johnson, who screamed this realization at the top of her lungs, was reportedly met with widespread approval after her announcement. Eyewitnesses confirmed […]

snot1

Overeager Sustainable-Living Students Recycle Tissues During Peak Cold Season

VANDERSLICE HALL — As the residential population of Boston College enters the final stretch of cold season, there are many visible signs of a campus’ winter-long struggle with sniffs and sneezes. Dining hall soup reserves are at an all time low, and half-empty Nyquil bottles sit in every medicine and alcohol cabinet. More alarmingly, hundreds […]

fucking

Professor Spent Snow Day Worrying About Students Fucking

CHESTNUT HILL, MA — Driven by the thought of all the opportunities kids were having to copulate, Professor Harry Bonin spent most of his day off on Tuesday in a state of complete distraction. The elderly philosophy professor, who has long taken a firm stance against college hookup cultures, remained in an armchair for most […]

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