• robzombie

    Plex Bro Takes Good Look Around Before Set to Make Sure People Are Watching

    FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — Standing in front of the cable machine while mentally preparing himself for another set of a tricep exercise, frequent Plex-goer Rob Schlossman (CSOM ‘19) checked his surroundings to ensure that someone would be watching him work out. Unable to find anyone at first, the sophomore eventually established brief eye contact with […]

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    WTF, ResLife? Why Is My Dad Moving Out Of The House?

    Four words about ResLife? Worst. University Office. Ever. Allow me to explain: The FAT CATS in the Boston College Office of Residential Life think they’re all HIGH AND MIGHTY—especially this week—because they control housing decisions at Boston College. They mock students on Twitter with GIFs, reveling in their ephemeral relevancy and using humor to create […]

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    This Homeless Man Doesn’t Get To Live In Walsh, Either

    Every March at Boston College, countless groups of eight freshman are devastated after not receiving a pick time early enough for one of Lower Campus’ coveted suites. Instead, they are forced to break up into smaller groups and cross their fingers for a nine-man—or even just a double in 66. They make jokes around dining […]

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    ResLife Clerical Error Gives One Lucky Freshman Housing In Meatball Obsession Stand

    LOWER CAMPUS — As many Boston College freshmen continue their frantic social scramble to secure housing for next year, one lucky student will be living somewhere a little more unique than the typical sophomore housing options, thanks to a clerical error by an entry-level ResLife employee. Vito Anthony Bertucci, Jr. (MCAS ’20) will spend his […]

  • reschoice

    “ResChoice” Students Demand More Say In Housing Process

    OFFICE OF RESIDENTIAL LIFE — A new protest movement on campus has started to gain noticeable traction this week, as hundreds of students are coming together to express their frustration with the notoriously tedious Boston College room selection process. These student activists, who describe themselves as “ResChoice,” are finally speaking up after years of oppression […]

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“God Best Experienced In This Hot Tub,” Reports Vacationing Jesuit

TURKS AND CAICOS ISLANDS — After ordering several fruity drinks and stripping down from his robes, Fr. Tommy O’Harrison, SJ, who treated himself to a vacation over Boston College’s spring break, reportedly came to the divine realization on Sunday afternoon that God was best experienced in the exact jacuzzi at The Palms Turks And Caicos he was in […]

punta

Students Gear Up To Do Exact Same Thing With Exact Same People In Different Country

NOT BOSTON COLLEGE — Hustling and bustling around campus and cramming in last-minute studying for midterms this week, hundreds of Boston College students collectively expressed their excitement to spend their impending spring break doing the exact same things with the exact same people, but in a different country. Students have already made great preparations for their […]

Social Degenerate Sits Down 2 Seats Away From Strangers In The Rat

LYONS HALL — Mass hysteria broke out in The Rat last Thursday afternoon when Reggie Euler (MCAS ‘20) paid for his meal, grabbed a few napkins, and proceeded to sit down at the empty corner of an otherwise occupied table. Apparently oblivious to clearly established social norms, Euler then boldly set down his cup of […]

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MBTA B Line Renovation Will Add 47 New Stops

NEAR DUNKIN DONUTS — The Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (MBTA) announced this week that it will be redesigning the “B” Branch of the Green Line to include significantly more stops. The current plan, announced at Boston City Hall yesterday, slates for 47 new stops on the “B” line, which according to transportation experts, should make the […]

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