• robzombie

    Plex Bro Takes Good Look Around Before Set to Make Sure People Are Watching

    FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — Standing in front of the cable machine while mentally preparing himself for another set of a tricep exercise, frequent Plex-goer Rob Schlossman (CSOM ‘19) checked his surroundings to ensure that someone would be watching him work out. Unable to find anyone at first, the sophomore eventually established brief eye contact with […]

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    WTF, ResLife? Why Is My Dad Moving Out Of The House?

    Four words about ResLife? Worst. University Office. Ever. Allow me to explain: The FAT CATS in the Boston College Office of Residential Life think they’re all HIGH AND MIGHTY—especially this week—because they control housing decisions at Boston College. They mock students on Twitter with GIFs, reveling in their ephemeral relevancy and using humor to create […]

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    This Homeless Man Doesn’t Get To Live In Walsh, Either

    Every March at Boston College, countless groups of eight freshman are devastated after not receiving a pick time early enough for one of Lower Campus’ coveted suites. Instead, they are forced to break up into smaller groups and cross their fingers for a nine-man—or even just a double in 66. They make jokes around dining […]

  • meatball

    ResLife Clerical Error Gives One Lucky Freshman Housing In Meatball Obsession Stand

    LOWER CAMPUS — As many Boston College freshmen continue their frantic social scramble to secure housing for next year, one lucky student will be living somewhere a little more unique than the typical sophomore housing options, thanks to a clerical error by an entry-level ResLife employee. Vito Anthony Bertucci, Jr. (MCAS ’20) will spend his […]

  • reschoice

    “ResChoice” Students Demand More Say In Housing Process

    OFFICE OF RESIDENTIAL LIFE — A new protest movement on campus has started to gain noticeable traction this week, as hundreds of students are coming together to express their frustration with the notoriously tedious Boston College room selection process. These student activists, who describe themselves as “ResChoice,” are finally speaking up after years of oppression […]



Wealthiest Students Purchase Tropical Bulbs For Winter Warmth

CHESTNUT HILL, MA — As students’ winter coats have been trending toward becoming more technically advanced and expensive, the company Caribbean Parrot has benefitted immensely by experiencing a surprisingly exponential increase in sales of their Tropical Bulb outerwear line. “We didn’t expect this at all,” said Caribbean Parrot CEO John E. Tsunami. “We created these luxurious […]


Local Elderly Man Mistakes Mod Party For Sauna

MOD 47B — Multiple reports have confirmed that an unnamed local elderly man, solely clothed in a towel tied around his waist, was seen entering Mod 47B at 11:52PM last Saturday night. Eyewitnesses on the scene confirmed that the old man seemed cool, calm, and collected when entering the hot, sweaty mod, which his mistook […]


Holy Shit, A Dog!

O’NEILL PLAZA — “Oooh, ooh, what a pretty baby,” said each and every one of Boston College’s 9,192 undergraduate students upon spotting an eight month old Golden Retriever puppy outside of O’Neill library on Thursday afternoon. Deep in the chocolate brown eyes of the good little boy, students were allegedly elevated to a fluffy, golden […]

Junior Receiving College Credit for 4 Month Vacation

SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE— Boston College study abroad student Elena Olson (MCAS ‘18) will reportedly receive a full semester of credit for taking a four month vacation, filled with excursions to historic landmarks, museums and picturesque scenery, along with lots of yummy food and long nights of partying. “I’m not sure how I was allowed, and […]


Legal: The NEC is a dope work of satire.