• robzombie

    Plex Bro Takes Good Look Around Before Set to Make Sure People Are Watching

    FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — Standing in front of the cable machine while mentally preparing himself for another set of a tricep exercise, frequent Plex-goer Rob Schlossman (CSOM ‘19) checked his surroundings to ensure that someone would be watching him work out. Unable to find anyone at first, the sophomore eventually established brief eye contact with […]

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    WTF, ResLife? Why Is My Dad Moving Out Of The House?

    Four words about ResLife? Worst. University Office. Ever. Allow me to explain: The FAT CATS in the Boston College Office of Residential Life think they’re all HIGH AND MIGHTY—especially this week—because they control housing decisions at Boston College. They mock students on Twitter with GIFs, reveling in their ephemeral relevancy and using humor to create […]

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    This Homeless Man Doesn’t Get To Live In Walsh, Either

    Every March at Boston College, countless groups of eight freshman are devastated after not receiving a pick time early enough for one of Lower Campus’ coveted suites. Instead, they are forced to break up into smaller groups and cross their fingers for a nine-man—or even just a double in 66. They make jokes around dining […]

  • meatball

    ResLife Clerical Error Gives One Lucky Freshman Housing In Meatball Obsession Stand

    LOWER CAMPUS — As many Boston College freshmen continue their frantic social scramble to secure housing for next year, one lucky student will be living somewhere a little more unique than the typical sophomore housing options, thanks to a clerical error by an entry-level ResLife employee. Vito Anthony Bertucci, Jr. (MCAS ’20) will spend his […]

  • reschoice

    “ResChoice” Students Demand More Say In Housing Process

    OFFICE OF RESIDENTIAL LIFE — A new protest movement on campus has started to gain noticeable traction this week, as hundreds of students are coming together to express their frustration with the notoriously tedious Boston College room selection process. These student activists, who describe themselves as “ResChoice,” are finally speaking up after years of oppression […]

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textinghometown

“Everything’s Good, You?” Reports Hometown Friend

YOUR HOMETOWN — In a 10-minute text message exchange held Tuesday afternoon, it was confirmed that “everything” with your hometown friend Ryan was “good, you?” While he confirmed that “classes sucked,” your pal from high school was keen to note that his workload this semester “wasn’t too bad” and that he “can’t complain.” When asked […]

woman1

Purveyor Of High Culture Spends Afternoon At MFA

MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS, BOSTON — Speaking to a mob of reporters while walking down the museum’s front steps, sophomore Paula Monay (MCAS ‘19) confirmed the rumours that she had indeed spent her Sunday afternoon looking at some of the finest art Boston has to offer. “The Frida Khalo exhibition was especially riveting,” said Monay, […]

moscow2

UGBC Presidential Candidate Found To Have Dangerously Close Ties To Student Government Of Moscow State University

CARNEY HALL — Coming at the end of what has been an especially caustic and divisive UGBC election, there has been a significant increase in gossip around campus about the candidates. Most notably, a vast majority of these rumors point to current presidential frontrunner Peter Volkov (LSOE ‘17) having uncomfortably warm relations with many high-ranking officials […]

talkthink

“Eat, Drink, Talk, Kink”: Lower Unveils BDSM-Themed Valentine’s Menu

KINKERAN COMMONS — Going against hundreds of years of rigid Church doctrine, Boston College Dining Services cooked up some controversy on Tuesday morning by announcing a special menu for Valentine’s Day. Catering to the most heathenous members of the BC community, the aptly named “Eat, Drink, Talk, Kink” program will be serving up sinfully delectable morsels […]

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