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    Distraught Freshman Girl Runs Away Down South In Search Of Sorority Big

    FORT WORTH, TX — Boston College freshman Sophia Brambleberry has reportedly left the Heights and moved to the southern United States in search of her very own sorority big sister. She has been camping out on the campus of Texas Christian University since Sunday, sleeping on the lawns of various fraternity houses and following crowds […]

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    Boston College Administrators Apparently Under Impression That Wheelchairs Have Jetpacks

    ACADEMIC QUAD — In an exclusive interview this afternoon about Boston College’s accessibility for people in wheelchairs, a duo of Boston College administrators seemed to not see the problem with the university’s possibly illegal deficit of wheelchair ramps and other typically standardized campus accessibility accommodations. The administrators’ lack of concern for the problems and headaches caused […]

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    “You Look Great Today,” Reports Robsham Window

    LOWER CAMPUS — Sitting there a little more reflective than usual today, the Robsham Window reportedly wanted to let you know how great you look today. “Damn! You look good as hell today. Is that a new shirt?” the Robsham Window told the press in a conference earlier this afternoon, adding that it would love to ask […]

  • Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game

    Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game

    ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football team before the fall season, there […]

  • We Got High and Shouldn’t Have Written This Article

    Well it looks like this is where we’ve ended up, you guys. “What happened?” we bet you’re all wondering. “How did they get here?” Well, maybe we got a little bit too high and shouldn’t have written this article. As you may know, today is April 20th, the counterculture holiday for celebrating and consuming cannabis. […]

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Roommate From Faraway Land Where No One Fucking Cleans, Apparently

VOUTE 311 — Rummaging through a seemingly endless pile of dirty plates and pans, senior Alberto Parenté concluded that his roommate, who is being kept anonymous for his safety, must be a from a faraway land where no one fucking cleans, apparently. “There is absolutely no way a sane human being would leave such a […]

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Men’s Basketball Making Transition To Dance Team To Increase Attendance

CONTE FORUM — Speaking to the press this morning, interim athletic director Chad Thates announced that one of his first moves as the interim director of Boston College Athletics as athletic director would be to oversee the transformation of the Boston College men’s basketball team into a dance group. Thates told the press that he came to this decision […]

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Plex Bro Takes Good Look Around Before Set to Make Sure People Are Watching

FLYNN RECREATION COMPLEX — Standing in front of the cable machine while mentally preparing himself for another set of triceps exercises, frequent Plex-goer Rob Schlossman (CSOM ‘19) checked his surroundings to ensure that someone would be watching him work out. Unable to find anyone at first, the sophomore eventually established brief eye contact with another […]

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WTF, ResLife? Why Is My Dad Moving Out Of The House?

Four words about ResLife? Worst. University Office. Ever. Allow me to explain: The FAT CATS in the Boston College Office of Residential Life think they’re all HIGH AND MIGHTY—especially this week—because they control housing decisions at Boston College. They mock students on Twitter with GIFs, reveling in their ephemeral relevancy and using humor to create […]

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