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    Distraught Freshman Girl Runs Away Down South In Search Of Sorority Big

    FORT WORTH, TX — Boston College freshman Sophia Brambleberry has reportedly left the Heights and moved to the southern United States in search of her very own sorority big sister. She has been camping out on the campus of Texas Christian University since Sunday, sleeping on the lawns of various fraternity houses and following crowds […]

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    Boston College Administrators Apparently Under Impression That Wheelchairs Have Jetpacks

    ACADEMIC QUAD — In an exclusive interview this afternoon about Boston College’s accessibility for people in wheelchairs, a duo of Boston College administrators seemed to not see the problem with the university’s possibly illegal deficit of wheelchair ramps and other typically standardized campus accessibility accommodations. The administrators’ lack of concern for the problems and headaches caused […]

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    “You Look Great Today,” Reports Robsham Window

    LOWER CAMPUS — Sitting there a little more reflective than usual today, the Robsham Window reportedly wanted to let you know how great you look today. “Damn! You look good as hell today. Is that a new shirt?” the Robsham Window told the press in a conference earlier this afternoon, adding that it would love to ask […]

  • Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game

    Addazio Insists On Wearing Easter Bunny Costume To Spring Football Game

    ALUMNI STADIUM — It appears as if the most devoted Boston College Superfans may be treated to quite an unusual sight on Saturday, during the annual Jay McGillis Memorial Spring Game. Typically a day for Boston College families and sports fanatics to catch a sneak preview of the football team before the fall season, there […]

  • We Got High and Shouldn’t Have Written This Article

    Well it looks like this is where we’ve ended up, you guys. “What happened?” we bet you’re all wondering. “How did they get here?” Well, maybe we got a little bit too high and shouldn’t have written this article. As you may know, today is April 20th, the counterculture holiday for celebrating and consuming cannabis. […]

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Social Degenerate Sits Down 2 Seats Away From Strangers In The Rat

LYONS HALL — Mass hysteria broke out in The Rat last Thursday afternoon when Reggie Euler (MCAS ‘20) paid for his meal, grabbed a few napkins, and proceeded to sit down at the empty corner of an otherwise occupied table. Apparently oblivious to clearly established social norms, Euler then boldly set down his cup of […]

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MBTA B Line Renovation Will Add 47 New Stops

NEAR DUNKIN DONUTS — The Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (MBTA) announced this week that it will be redesigning the “B” Branch of the Green Line to include significantly more stops. The current plan, announced at Boston City Hall yesterday, slates for 47 new stops on the “B” line, which according to transportation experts, should make the […]

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Wealthiest Students Purchase Tropical Bulbs For Winter Warmth

CHESTNUT HILL, MA — As students’ winter coats have been trending toward becoming more technically advanced and expensive, the company Caribbean Parrot has benefitted immensely by experiencing a surprisingly exponential increase in sales of their Tropical Bulb outerwear line. “We didn’t expect this at all,” said Caribbean Parrot CEO John E. Tsunami. “We created these luxurious […]

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Local Elderly Man Mistakes Mod Party For Sauna

MOD 47B — Multiple reports have confirmed that an unnamed local elderly man, solely clothed in a towel tied around his waist, was seen entering Mod 47B at 11:52PM last Saturday night. Eyewitnesses on the scene confirmed that the old man seemed cool, calm, and collected when entering the hot, sweaty mod, which his mistook […]

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