boston-university

BU Holds Rejected Eagles Day

As Boston College welcomes prospective members of the class of 2019 on campus today for Admitted Eagles Day, Boston University will be hosting its first-ever Rejected Eagles Day.

“The Terriers are barking with excitement about our inaugural Rejected Eagles Day,” said Boston University president and L. Ron Hubbard doppelganger Robert Brown. “We’re going to show these kids that, even if they didn’t get into Boston College, there’s another university on Commonwealth Avenue that’s happy to take their parents’ hard-earned money and educate them over the next four years!”

Boston University’s Rejected Eagles Day will kick things off at 10:00AM with “Brunch in Baghdad,” which was a rejected meal theme at a BC Dining meeting. Shortly thereafter, all attendees will be given a “campus tour,” which unfortunately just involves riding in a bus up and down Commonwealth Avenue. The Rejected Eagles and their families will then join the BU hockey team in a candlelight vigil and remind themselves that at least they have a great communications department.

BU is also offering a separate tour group for rejected Jesuits. One rejected soldier of Christ, Gregory Ian Chant, expressed his disappointment over his denial from the brotherhood: “I actually wanted to do missionary work in Guatemala and help distribute medical supplies to understaffed orphanages. But it’s all good that the Jesuits denied me from their order, I guess. I’m pretty close to Insomnia Cookies now, and I can still help the underprivileged by tutoring my fellow Terriers.”

Unable to pledge himself to Jesus, Chant is planning on pledging for BU fraternity Gamma Omega Delta, or GOD. “Before my rejection, I observed strict fasting, oaths of silence and even some lashes from the cat o’nine tails,” Chant said. “So I’m pretty confident I’ll be able to handle whatever comes with hazing.”

At press time and all other times, it sucks to BU.

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