Newly Ordained Fr. Kevin Spends All Of Mass Playing “Flappy Bird” On Phone

CONTE FORUM — During Boston College’s annual Mass of the Holy Spirit, newly ordained, and self-proclaimed “hip, young Jesuit” Fr. Kevin, S.J., spent the entirety of the service playing “Flappy Bird” on his iPhone 6.

The traditional “opening ceremony” for the academic year dates back to the Middle Ages, when Jesuits commemorated the new season of learning with a special mass. While most members of the Boston College Jesuit community participated dutifully in the service, Fr. Kevin, an ambitious twenty-eight-and-a-half-year-old with a gold hoop earring, expressed his boredom with “those old fuddy-duddies who don’t know how to just chill out.”

The youthful priest, who serves as Resident Minister for the freshmen in Fitzaga Hall, has been known to prop his door open, playing mid-2000’s pop hits from his portable bluetooth speaker.

“I’m one of the few Jesuits that these college kids can really relate to,” claimed Fr. Kevin, twiddling a fidget spinner in his left hand. “In order to do that, I need to devote a lot of time to researching the hot trends that these youths are into, like ‘Flappy Bird,’ the smart phone game with that tiny yellow bird. Man I love that little guy!”

Not everyone in the Jesuit community shares the young priest’s enthusiasm for youth culture. According to Fr. Raymond Duncan, S.J., a member of the Society of Jesus for nearly fifty years, “Fr. Kevin needs to stop acting like such a goofball and pay attention during mass. I really shouldn’t have to teach this guy how to act like an adult.”

When pressed for comment, Fr. Kevin asserted “I just want to make sure everyone is having a good time! Come on guys, let’s make a ‘Harlem Shake’ video with all the Jesuits! Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Fr. Kevin was last spotted in Fitzaga asking residents if they would like to play Wii Fit with him.


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