Tragic: Hundreds Of Boston College Students Are From New Jersey

Hold onto your seats, folks, because we just heard the most terrible news.

As it turns out, hundreds of Boston College students are from the state of New Jersey.

Can you believe it?

This heartbreaking news was made public by the Boston College Office of Undergraduate Admissions, who openly admitted that many of Boston College’s current students are from the Garden State. These students live under the reign of Chris Christie, refer to the beach as “the shore,” and were raised on nothing but their mother’s breast milk, bagels, and “the best” pizza. They have no idea how to pump their own gas, and their fondest childhood memories consist of only highways, malls, and diners.

Absolutely tragic.

The New Jersey natives, who regularly attend class at Boston College among their peers from the 49 other states and  countless countries throughout the world, believe that calling their home “the armpit of America” is an untrue and unsubstantiated claim, yet they regularly insult Philadelphia. New Jerseyans have also been known to claim regional superiority over anyone they meet solely because of the sweet, processed taste of Taylor Ham on breakfast sandwiches and the overabundance of Wawa gas station supermarkets. While it may be hard to comprehend, hundreds of students like this walk among us every day.

Eagles: Please keep your eyes out for the wellbeing of your fellow students—you never know which one of them may be from New Jersey.


Legal: The NEC is a dope work of satire.