Office of Student Involvement Unveils ‘Receding Leader Program’

CARNEY HALL — Citing a commitment to prepare students for realistic, stable career paths, the Office of Student Involvement unveiled a new program designed to impart incoming freshmen with all the necessary skills to spend the next 40-53 years of their lives as subordinates.

“Here at OSI, we believe in ‘education of the whole machine’—not just the top-level movers and shakers, but all the tiny little gears as well” noted Mickey Donald, CSOM ‘14, the department’s Associate Director of Programming. “They may sound meek and insignificant, but without those little gears turning there’d be no way for our superiors and executives to get paid!”

Incoming freshmen for the class of 2022 can apply to the program until May 31st. The application includes problem-solving questions, a short essay, a “creative project,” and a resumé of high school activities. It was hinted that the deadline was flexible if an applicant had a really good excuse and didn’t seem like they were going to end up applying in the end anyway,

“What we look for in an applicant,” explained Donald, “is an absolutely adequate approach to problem-solving, an essay that reflects 30th-50th percentile language skills, a creative project made with PowerPoint, and of course a resumé that reflects a strong background in mandatory attendance, polite conversation, and amiable interests.”

Donald also believes that the program will find a welcome reception in the Boston College community. “With over 2,200 students in the incoming class, we have to accept that they won’t all be Nobel Laureates or Wall Street investors. Sure, they made it to BC, but so what? So did the rest of us! Sometimes the best thing to do is keep your head down and play it safe, and that’s what we’re all about here at the Office of Student Involvement.”

Students admitted to the program will attend a mandatory 4-hour retreat during the final day of their orientation, when their fellow students are registering for classes.

Donald told The Classic, “They’ll have to make the best out of what’s left over, and we think that’s a really great way to get them started on this path. Over the course of their freshman year they’ll receive special evening tutorials on passive listening, expectation-meeting, and deadline-pushing.”

Prospective applicants seeking further information are encouraged to reach out to OSI, but equally as encouraged to just sit this one out and maybe catch the game.


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